Taking It On The Road: Sex With A PartnerSo, if you understand how sexual response works in general and for yourself, and have a good handle on what pleases you and makes you feel good, you've got a great start in bringing that to a partnership, if that is something you are interested in doing. It should go without saying that because Sex is a multifaceted thing which is mainly based in ourselves, no one HAS to have a partner to be sexually satisfied, and some people don't want a partner, either for certain periods of time, or permanently. However, we may want one, or may have a partnership in which Sex evolves as a natural part of expressing love and attraction for our partner.
Silly as it may sound, the best analogy I can make to having sex with a partner is that it is nearly identical to learning to dance with a partner. When we dance alone, we feel the rhythm on the music in our bodies, and move as feels natural. But if we add a partner, sometimes the way we move doesn't always mesh with how THEY move, and we can both end up with a lot of bruises and sore toes.
If we know how we "move" in our own sexuality, it's easier to work with someone else. The way that we can make our different styles, movements, desires and preferences work together is by communication and by simply paying attention and being respectful of one another. If we use masturbation when we feel nonspecific desire, and are with a partner because we want to be with that particular person and share our energy and care with them, we've got a great head start.
A good way to handle the start of any sexual relationship is to talk about it. Discuss your limits. Are there things you like and don't like? Are there things you are and are not comfortable doing? Get all of that stuff out in the open. It's hard to respect someone's boundaries if you don't know what they are. That doesn't mean you need to know them all walking in, however. Often, only once we are with someone do we get a sense of what is okay and what isn't, but if we've already developed a relationship where we can talk about sex freely, it's pretty easy to pull back the reins and say, "Whoa!" when we need to without anyone getting upset. Sometimes talking about sex with someone else can be a little awkward, but it's okay to be nervous or get the giggles.
Working out sex with a partner is surprisingly similar to working it out with yourself: the only real difference is that you need to talk out loud and you need to take someone else's feelings, desires and needs into consideration and make them work with your own. Just like with masturbation, you need to make sure you both feel -- and really ARE -- safe and secure. If you're avoiding pregnancy, you need to be using a reliable birth control method that works for you both. You also need to be practicing safer sex to keep you both safe and healthy, you need to be consistently taking care of your sexual health with regular clinic or OB/GYN visits.
Again, think of it just like learning to dance. Do what feels good to you both, where you can both enjoy yourselves. Talk about the steps that you like. If your partner doesn't know one of them, teach him or her how! You may find you learn things with a partner you didn't on your own, or that some things feel different than they do when you do them by yourself, and that's the beauty of sex with a partner. There's no shame in having something be new or unknown.
We all have to learn, and learning can be enjoyable. In fact, if you've got it all going, every single time you have sex -- no matter what you do or do not do -- with yourself, or with someone else, should be a new and wonderful experience in Sexual Harassment.
Original article published on amazines.com
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