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Tips For Women On Spicing Up Their Sex Life: Interview With Psychotherapist Kelly Grocoff

Do you often find Sex to be a chore and do everything you can to avoid it? Are you unsure on how you can spice your Sex life up and rekindle the sexual excitement? To help understand what kind of impact a lack of spice in a woman's sex life can have on their overall experience and for tips on spicing up your sex life, I have interviewed psychotherapist Kelly Grocoff.

Tell me a little bit about yourself: "I am a psychotherapist practicing in Detroit and Ann Arbor, Michigan. I received my MSW from the University of Michigan School of Social Work. I have completed educational hours for certification as a sex therapist by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) and I teach a class at the Lamaze Family Center of Ann Arbor called 'Sex and Intimacy After Baby: Making it Matter for Moms'. I often work with parents of young children as they navigate the sometimes rocky waters of parenthood. I help them reconnect with their sexual selves in order to infuse their relationship with true intimacy, passion, and vitality, right at the point when many couples feel like their sex life is fading for good."

What kind of impact can a lack of spice in a woman's sex life have on their overall experience? "Many women feel like they are just 'going through the motions' when engaging in any kind of sexual activity with their partner. There are many reasons for this, including but not limited to: fatigue, worry and preoccupation with other life tasks, feeling like sex is not a top priority, or other problems in the relationship that make her partner seem less desirable.

We are all familiar with the image of the stereotypical couple that is played out time and again in the popular media: he wants sex all the time, she is never interested, he finally convinces her, and she lays in bed staring up at the ceiling waiting for it all to be over. While this seems extreme, many people feel as if their sex life mirrors this situation. In this scenario, everyone loses. Unfortunately, many women are made to feel like lack of interest in sex is her problem to fix. I often work with women to reconnect with their own sexuality, not as a way to make their partner happy or fix a problem, but as a way to take care of her overall health, and improve her quality of life. Regular sexual activity has many health benefits, including reducing depression, improving sleep, burning calories, and reducing anxiety."

What are some tips for women on spicing up their sex life? "If a woman is interested in increasing her sexual desire, there are certain things she can do to help her embrace her own sexuality and increase pleasure. When wanting to spice up your sex life, attending to the relationship is of primary importance. If there are underlying issues with trust, communication and emotional intimacy, it will be extremely difficult to communicate your sexual needs and desires. This may mean, somewhat paradoxically, decreasing sexual activity for a period of time while the couple focuses on the relationship outside of the bedroom.

It is also important that a woman know her body. This means getting comfortable in your own skin, taking a realistic look at your body and, yes, even radically accepting its flaws. Know your anatomy and know what turns you on. Explore your body, including your genitals, on your own, in a safe and comfortable space. Our sexual anatomy is designed to experience pleasure, but many women find that their thinking mind get in the way. Work on calming your mind down and focusing on the pleasurable sensations in the moment. When you know where touch is most pleasurable, you'll be able to direct your partner and this will enhance your overall experience. You may be surprised to find that your sex life gets spicier simply by tuning into sensations!

Don't be afraid to use fantasy. Remember: just because you fantasize about it doesn't mean you would actually want it to happen. But if it turns you on and helps you increase arousal, both you and your partner can enjoy better sex! Finally, be realistic. It won't always be mind-blowing Sex, but taking the time to enjoy sex with your partner, whether slow and sensual or fast and furious, creates a positive feedback loop that makes you eagerly anticipate the next time. After all, what's spicier than really good, satisfying sex?"

What type of professional help is available for women who are having trouble spicing up their sex life? "Working with a sex therapist is one way to examine and improve the big picture and attend to anything that may be affecting your sexual relationship, such as medical problems, relationship concerns, or difficulty processing past trauma. Sex therapists are trained to consider the biological, psychological, and social underpinnings of sexual concerns. Visit www.psychologytoday.com or www.aasect.org to find a therapist in your area.

Thanks Kelly for doing the interview on tips for women on spicing up their sex life. Or more information on Kelly Grocoff or her work you can check out her website on www.kellygrocoff.com.

Recommended Readings: Female Sexual Arousal Disroder Female and Male Orgasmic Disorders Tips for Satisfying Sexual Intimacy

By Jaleh - JALEH holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and a Masters of Science in Marriage and Family Counseling. She is the book author of Making Marriage a Success and Life's Little How to Book which can be...  

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