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Relationship Guide For Men

As Dr. John Gray penned the well known Title: "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars", he was deeply inspired by the verbal and understanding chasm between the genders. When it comes to making ourselves understood to the opposite Sex, respecting and appreciating the "hearing" differences, we may as well be from different planets.

Over the last generation, we have become a bit closer in "being unisex." Males have become more "sensitive" and women more "masculine" in their behaviors, but have we really taken the step to better understanding and negotiating meaningful conversations and negotiations with our opposite Gender?

For our less "enlightened" men, who still find feminine behavior in conversations less than easy to comprehend, I have compiled five sentences which are easy "conversational and possibly relationship death stroke." Please read them carefully, and when you find yourself committing one of these bloopers, be prepared for the backlash.

(Ominous voice from the bottom of the pit: "You have been warned!" - Sorry had to enter a bit of humor here)

"I am so tired of your Drama!" You can use this one in any variation there of and have the exact same effect on your feminine counterpart. The moment you accuse her feelings and expressions as "Drama" instead of sitting there and listening to her (yes even for the millionth time in 3 Days) and validating that she has a right to feel the way she does, you have just truly entered the "Drama Zone". There is nothing, which will cause you sexy nights and loving feelings faster than having accused your lady of being a Drama Queen. Allow me to point out to you men, that when a woman is deeply disturbed about something (Yes, I agree we do tend to make molehills into Mount Everest at time, but we really do feel it that way and are not doing this to annoy you!) she is emotionally extremely engaged. Women are a lot more emotional than men by nature and that is a blessing, otherwise you guys wouldn't be nourished by us females at all. Just think, if we would purely go on what is in it for us (logical thinking), only do the minimum amount of work possible only to get it done (again logical thinking), and swallow our emotions when they are not handy, you would be hurting more often than not. It is that difference in us, which makes a woman what she is, so please the next time your lady has a meltdown, just listen to her. The old mother wisdom still stands on this one. "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

"I heard you the first Time!" Women can be quite the Naggers, can't say boys? After your lady has told you for the umpteenth time in the last 3 Weeks to fix that cupboard, that you need to replace the Washer or whatever theme is the case here, you may just be tempted to utter those rather foolish words. Maybe it is just a recurring problem which constantly creeps up in your arguments, and you feel as if she is patronizing you. If you have just nodded your head and agreed to this statement above, please let me point out to you the response you are guaranteed to receive. "If you heard me the first time, why do I still have to bring it up?" Again, you have just entered the "Drama Zone", because now she will be upset with you. Since you just admitted that you did hear her the "first time" and you still did not do anything about it, she now has to rightfully assume that it was just not important enough for you to do something about her request. Sadly, as it is to admit to you guys, but in female thinking that simply translates to her not being important enough for you to do what she asked of you. You really want to think long and hard before trotting down this particular highway of anguish!

"You are too sensitive, buck up a little!" Again, these can have any variation there of with the same results. If you just told her that she is too emotional, not logical enough etc., you will find out in short order just how logical she can be. Let me put it in perspective for you guys! Logic is individual! With other words what is logical to you, may not be logical to the next person regardless of which gender. Besides that little fact, when you tell someone that they are "too sensitive", you just told them that their feelings are not valid. Men seek respect, women validation. If you don't want to lose respect from your woman, then I suggest you don't take your validation of her right to feel the way she does from her. Simple really and it is completely logical. This will sound 100% unromantic, but think of your relationship as a business contract of sorts. You will only get as much out of it for you, as you are willing to put into it. Remember that females are natural score keepers. When it gets too uneven, we usually take action. (Not a pretty picture)

"Not now, can't you see I am busy here!" Now, there are times when this is legit, and you really are too busy to talk, to listen or to help her out, and then we understand that. (At least a reasonable woman will.) If you, however, use this excuse all the time, are sitting in front of a TV Screen with nothing on, are just making this statement to avoid her, you will find her "too busy" for you the rest of the time as well. Let me put it this way. There is nothing more insulting than having your intelligence insulted. If you are one of those perpetually busy guys, who thinks his hobbies, his interests and his needs are more important on a constant base then spending some time with your wife, consider the following. Learning to do your laundry, cook your dinner again, clean your own house, and a merit of other household chores you would have to do on top of working if you were single again. Yes, granted you would have a lot more freedom, but is this really what you want? If it is, do both of you a favor and call it quits. There really is nothing worst then being stuck with an emotionally constipated partner who only uses you for work and money. If you are busy and it is legit, try to make time as soon as possible to be there for her. A simple statement that would show her she is important would be. "I am sorry honey, I do need to finish this right now, but I will be with you (enter timeframe here)." Make sure that you follow through!

"If being with me is so horrible, then why don't you leave?"

Should you utter this sentence in any variation there of, you are probably in the middle of a very heated argument, or the end of your patients. Beware. however, because at this moment you may just trigger her thought process in a way you don't want it triggered. I can tell you from personal experience that my ex-husband, and I had this conversation one time too many after I asked him for the dozens' time to do something trivial like find a job and to stop spending hours on pursuing his hobbies (sarcasm here), when that question hit ground with me finally. Why was I still staying around? As you see by the word ex, the situation changed eventually. Word to the wise; don't make statements like that, unless you are really willing to have her walk away from you. In the middle of a fight, we say the stupidest things to each other. Please don't let this one be part of it.

These are only five of the sentences that do come out frequently from a men's mouth, in some cases more often than they should. Please consider that when you are dealing with your woman, you are dealing with a person quite different from you in understanding how you mean certain things. Just as in the "Relationship Guide for Women", I tried to point out that you will not see or understand it the way we mean it often times, so will your remarks fall on "faulty" understanding with us. A little compassion, care and trying to be supportive goes a long way. Let me once more remind you, that when a woman needs to talk to her partner, she doesn't always want you to solve the problem for her. We solve our problems while talking. It is like a verbal puzzle and with each word we utter, we put another piece in its proper place. You are simply the framework that holds it all together for us. That is a very important job, and you can do it well, simply by holding us and letting us talk to you. Remember, that you are supposed to be our protector, life partner and hopefully a best friend. If we can't come to you for security, we will find someone else to talk to. Think really hard and long if you want to give that job eventually to a different guy.

The next installment in this little Series will be a combined "Relationship Guide for a stronger Partnership!" Thank you once again for reading!

By Regina Sunderland - I was born in Germany and came to the USA in 1988. I have traveled all over the United States and had the pleasure to reside in several different states. Writing and Art has been a particular passion of mine...  

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