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How To Have Fabulous Sex

Are you frustrated with your current Sex life? Are you in a new relationship and want to take it to that next step? Maybe you've decided that it's time to become the sexual goddess you were always too inhibited to be! If you are a virgin you better drop this book and run for the hills for you may find what I have to say a bit too sexually explicit for the unexperienced ear. No matter why you are reading, the first question you have to ask yourself is "How am I in bed?" It is an honest question, after all we can't learn from our shortcomings if we don't know what they are. Yet, it is with that in mind that I write this first paragraph with reservation.

Too many magazines and books stress "What He Wants" and neglect the woman's needs altogether, making it seem that the act was created merely to please the man. That is not the kind of book I wanted to write. I think that women need a manual that we can call our own, but it's still fun to check in with the other half of the population to see how we are sizing up, after all that is a part of the excitement right? And beyond that, I want you to all know that my methods have been tried and are true. For this assignment, finding an honest interviewee is crucial. Asking a boyfriend or husband only leads to a biased, fear-inspired answer which is exactly what you want to avoid. Those men are better left to answer our favorite question "Does this shirt/skirt/sweater/sock make me look fat?" We all know what we expect to hear when asking that question, but when asking about new moves in the bedroom, you need answers from someone you trust to give you the truth, however blunt it may be. After all, you're a smart woman, you aren't reading this manual to stick to the same old tricks, so get some honest answers!

Trust that your writer also sought the answers needed, and for my interview I chose my very oldest, very dearest friend with benefits, Oscar. Oscar and I have been sleeping together for a long time, and I trust him more than anyone on the planet. My old friend and I sat down for a cocktail at my kitchen table one recent evening. After our second round, I popped the big question. Not what you're thinking, but the lesser asked equally important, "How am I in the sack?" After a long, thoughtful pause he replied 98% of your moves are incredibly sexy. Well, you can't very well author a How To: Sex Manual with only a 98% success rate. He told me what really got him going, and what left him a bit less satisfied, together we worked out the kinks. I don't want to leave anyone hanging so I made a list of what had to go.

Oscar's List of What Doesn't Work 1. Climaxing first and then rushing him to finish, leaving him feeling like a piece of meat. 2. Having sex when we both knew I didn't want to. 3. Flatlining during boring Sex, rather than confronting the issue and quitting while we're ahead.

I have to say while it was a very short list it got me thinking. Work was done, improvements made, and we are both reaping the benefits. So rest assured as you dive into this book that no leaf has been left unturned and you are getting the bare truth, for your pleasure I give you How? To... Fabulous Sex, A woman's guide.

This book will follow a pattern consisting of sub-chapters, each entitled to allow the reader the ultimate breakdown of what works! So let us dive right in.

Dominance in the relationship It is the norm in any relationship to have one dominate player and one less dominate or submissive player. This is true in all types of relationships, be it mother-daughter, boss-employee, friend-friend, boyfriend-girlfriend, brother-sister. You will find that it doesn't take a lot of soul searching, brain-wracking, or other research to label all of the relationships that you are currently in to determine which role you play and which your counterpart plays. You will also find that the relationship status changes from one to another. You may be the dominant player in the work place and the submissive player in the household. The world is a giant game board and we are merely pawns moving from square to square. When trying to fix, create, or otherwise cause a change in sexual relationship it is crucial to first determine which role you play.

Try this as an exercise. If you are the more dominate player in the game, you may find that some of the most erotic pleasure can be derived from letting go of that position and allowing yourself to be controlled in the bedroom. There are a few ways to give up the power.

Lying Below Lying underneath your partner is one way of giving them the power. It is one of the more obvious ways, because naturally the one underneath does give way to losing control.

Face Down Lying face down, underneath your partner is an even bigger symbol of his or her power over you. Giving up that control and being the one told what to do and how to do it, will give you both a rise that you won't soon forget as well as a rise that won't fall so soon.

Just Ask If you are in the mood to really give it up, just ask. Any blue blooded man will gladly give into the pleasure of choosing his favorite male-dominate position.

While all of this may sound terribly male dominated, you have to remember what this exercise is all about. Women know that the most satisfying relationships are in a state of power struggle. While initially it may feel like surrendering when giving up your power, remind yourself of a time when you felt totally turned on by that guy that was in complete control. Even the most independent woman can recall a time when she dated a guy who liked to call the shots. Think of how sexy you felt when you were dominated. When done in a mature, casual, and innocent way, these relationships or circumstances have lead to the ultimate high. If you find that these days you are the opposite, controlling partner in these same scenarios, think of the satisfaction of reliving that high of the past in the most sensitive of situations.

Don't get caught up in only satisfying your partner One of the biggest problems battled daily in the bedroom is that of trying to please your partner, and neglecting yourself. This happens for many different reasons.

1. Trying to please a man to make him like you Women sometimes fall into that trap of having sex to have a relationship. And more often than not, that said woman doesn't get the phone call she's anticipating.

2. I'm sorry Men often find themselves using sexual favors as a get out of jail free card. I've had more than one man head south when things get rough - Not a solution! (Although it may feel like one at the time).

Feeling guilty about being neglectful to your partner, feeling like pleasing the one your with will make you feel better about the relationship, or trying to ease a guilty perhaps even cheating conscience tends to lead to being over exuberant in the bedroom, and forgetting what the act of sex is supposed to be about all together.

Can I See The Menu One of the biggest sexual disasters comes in an all too familiar package known as The Routine. I have to stress that The Routine is the best recipe for boredom you will ever happen upon. You may find something that works and you and your partner love it, but if you are having sex as frequently as you should be (in a healthy relationship) than your sex will get tired and quickly!

Pick Three: To avoid a stale sex life I recommend what I like to call the pick three. Think of it as going out to eat. You opt for the meat and three. At this particular restaurant you know the meat isn't the most delicious you've had but, the chicken is safe and edible enough and you hope with the right choices you can spice this dish up! So now you're left with the vegetable list. You choose two veggies that suit you best and for the third you may choose to take a risk. The risk being that you've tried this item on other menus and been unsatisfied but are willing to give it a go, or you've never heard of this dish and aren't too sure about it as a choice. I am presenting you with a variety of spectacular sex moves and themes, you choose your favorite three and run with them.

1. Movie Sex Great Movie Sex is the kind of sex that pops up unexpectedly. You're sitting around watching a movie with your parents. It starts off wholesome and innocent enough and the next thing you know the leading man has the leading lady bent over the kitchen table, and while you find yourself blushing and cringing on the verge of nauseous and humiliated at your parents' side, you can't help but think to yourself that this is fabulous! And it is. The best sex is the spontaneous, passion driven, gut wrenching, animal act.

Now, before you think you've mastered the concept of movie sex, remember there are two different kinds. The movie sex is the unplanned, the kind of sex that even occurs between parents on the big screen. It can be truly amazing, but must be kept separate from the porno Sex. Porno sex, while thrilling is not movie sex, but a kind of sex we love to watch for two reasons.

a. Reason 1 Porno sex is always viewed in the company of fellow porn enthusiasts. Making it sort of like watching a sporting event.

b. Reason 2 Porno sex always features gorgeous people indulging in what a part of all reading have wanted to explore at one time or another.

Porno sex is exploratory, calculated, and totally unhinged. You plan for this kind of Sex. Now understand my meaning behind the word planned, you never plan aloud to have this kind of sex. It's not something you want to destroy by talking about it with your partner, it is the kind of sex that will only inhibit you if you have discussed it prior. You plan it mentally. You make your notes, weigh time and locale options, and make sure you leave plenty of time to finish.

You should especially avoid over thinking your wardrobe options because dressing over the top can lead to embarrassment on the part of both partners. Either your partner finds himself embarrassed for not getting the memo, or you find yourself embarrassed when your partner realizes you have planned this move. I only suggest costumes if you've been with your man for a long time, or you're having casual sex with someone as equally sexual and excited as you are or are becoming.

2. Lovemaking Stop. I already know what you're thinking. This is not a subchapter about lighting candles and drinking champagne. Every woman reading this book has read that book about throwing rose petals on the bed and eating chocolate covered strawberries. I am not knocking those ideas, I myself have indulged in them, we all know they have the potential to work and so I won't waste my time or yours suggesting them. When I talk about lovemaking, I suggest it as an exploration of your soul and theirs. I like to make love with the lights on and without music, so that I can look into my lover's eyes and hear him breathing. This mood is best captured in a soft light and with zero distractions. Never attempt at love making with anyone else in the house because it will affect you mentally. And never attempt at lovemaking with a cellphone in the room. Make sure that no one is going to ruin your sweet moments with the clip of Shakira blasting from your most committed, often silver and flippy, companion.

3. The Quickie The Quickie while earning its name for being rather short, can actually be the hottest you'll have for the very same reason. The Quickie doesn't always have to be thought of as the sex you have in a public bathroom. Try The Quickie at home as you're struggling to get dressed and out the door on time for work. It may make you a couple of minutes late but entrust that it will give you something to smile about all day. In the past I have found this especially fabulous when working at a job I hate.

4. S & M S & M has a rough stigma attached to its name. It is often thought of as the sex the goth folk and the addicts have. However, there are varying degrees of S & M that will leave you with a choice of how far to take it.

a. The Squeeze The Squeeze is one move I am particularly fond of because of the high I get from letting go and trusting my partner to the fullest level. The Squeeze is achieved by simply placing your partner's hand on your neck and allowing him to squeeze while he is on top of you. It sounds scary, I know, but it is by far the sexiest S & M move you will find. I don't suggest using belts or ropes to perform this move because it's harder to communicate with your partner when using these devices. By using your partner's hand, you can let him know when it's too tight with a gentle squeeze of his wrist.

b. Toys Basic sex toys are all acceptable for use during an S & M exploration. Dildos, vibrators, beads, and the less glamorous or kinky, lotions, candles with a wax you can melt on your man, and even handcuffs. Now I have to say that I find the handcuffs over publicized, yet under used. My bedroom Buddy Oscar and I found a very sturdy and exciting pair of handcuffs at a toy store. Sure we got a couple of dirty looks from surrounding parents while we shopped and giggled in the store, but they lead to the highest grade of customer satisfaction that I have experienced in a long time.

5. Dual Masturbation Sometimes you find yourself on a time crunch or maybe you're tired but you want to have sex anyway, you dive right in, finish fast and pass out. If you aren't careful this could become a pattern that you find you can't get out of when you decide it's not as pleasurable as it once was. Break out! Dual Masturbation, formally entitled foreplay, is a great tool to break up the monotony. I use the less PC term Dual Masturbation because I think that a lot of people, women especially, have forgotten what foreplay means. It has sort of evolved into turning a man onto the point of erection and then taking off for the home run. But women you know that it is harder for us to get turned on! Be smarter! Take yourself back to the days before you were racing for home base and were just satisfied to make it to first. If your eyebrows are raised and you're uttering "What, " Then I will spell it out for you: K I S S I N G. Remember when it felt so hott to just make out with a guy you like? Well, not a lot has changed. It is still one of the surest forms of female stimulation.

Once you have gotten into the groove of the kiss and decided on what kind of sex you are going to have based on the making out (which you all know how to determine) than move on to exploring each other with your fingers. Find what makes you quiver and allow your body to respond to that. Search for what makes your man move a little more in the right direction and keep it going. Touching each other will take you back to those taboo teenage and early adult pre penetration years.

Allow yourself to re explore that turf. Ignore the notches on your bedpost that tell you these days are past you. No matter if you are exploring this particular partner for the first time or are with a man you've been with often, each sexual experience should be unlike any other you have had.

6. Dirty Talk This is my personal favorite and I have found through careful research that it is the least used move! I know that getting through those first few phrases may feel cheesy and outside of who you are. I would never ask you to betray who you are as a person, but let's face it, you aren't reading this book because you are committed to remaining true to your former sexual self. You are reading because you want to develop and fine tune your skills. So let's do it! First of all, you can never force Dirty Talk. This has to come as a result of being really turned on. If your man, or partner, or guy in the bar you took home is really making you feel good and you want it to continue get vocal! Men are silently, as well as actively, listening for what makes you feel good. But you have to find your voice. Some women are better at expressing it through the right move of their bodies and that has the potential to translate. But remember women that we are the smarter sex and sometimes the man doesn't get it! So let it out. If it feels good, release a good moan, sigh, scream, or daring phrase. I won't give you any sample dialogue here because that's creepy and has to be original or I've become a total hack that shouldn't be let near you or your loved ones. I'm afraid that this part is up to you. But you are not expected to be witty, or Oscar worthy, only HONEST. If it feels good, just say the first thing that comes to mind. Get into it!

Check Please! So you make your choices and you wind up loving all of them, make a mental note of the spices you tasted and tomorrow night you will find yourself dining at home for the sheer pleasure of mixing it up in the kitchen. If you are lucky, your end result is a whole cookbook of your new favorites that you can use as desired to treat yourself and your man. Grab a couple of your favorites and get the table set to serve a sexy menu, assured never to go stale, keeping your kitchen the hottest in town.

So you've learned what works, what doesn't work, and what you can twist and make your own. Be creative and keep this guide close by so you can conquer those trouble spots.

Now we have come to end of our experience together, and it is time to let you go out on your own to practice and make perfect your new moves. I hope that you have learned something you didn't already know, and if you walk away with only one thing let it be this: Never feel pressured to have sex with anyone! Sexual freedom is one of the greatest rights a woman has and it should be exercised responsibly, but don't forget that it should still be exercised! Take what you've read and make it your own! But above all, make it fabulous!

By Sara Daronnie - I am a native of Alabama who hates country music, fishing, hunting, and drinking beer. I moved to New York so I could click my heels rather than getting them stuck in the mud. I love a good time and some fab...  

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